Quotes by Larry David

"Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis."

"I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide."

"I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous."

"I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure."

"Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman."

"It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically."

"Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad."

"If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away."

"I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people."

"I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them."

"When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless."

"Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate."

"I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood."

"It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time."

"I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter."

"I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big."

"I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted."

"Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough."

"Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy."

"Women love a self-confident bald man."