"I tried to bake a cake for my mother's birthday - it took me four hours. It was terrible, and I cried for three days."

"The magazine, the daytime show, we've always tried to write affordable, accessible. Those are key words for us, and I do mean us, a huge staff of people at the magazine who love to cook affordable, friendly food that helps families eat better for less."

"You know, food is such - it's a hug for people."

"My husband cooks fancier food for himself than I've ever cooked on-air. I call him from the road, and he's making champagne-vanilla salmon or black-cherry pork chop. Half of me is feeling unworthy. Not only am I not a chef, I'm not a better cook than my own husband!"

"I have an inability to enjoy things, but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy, we wouldn't be funny, I guess."

"I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do."

"Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all."

"I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go."