"After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school."

"Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on."

"Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best."

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else."

"Even actresses that you really admire, like Reese Witherspoon, you think, 'Another romantic comedy?' You see her in something like 'Walk the Line' and think, 'God, you're so great!' And then you think, 'Why is she doing these stupid romantic comedies?' But of course, it's for money and status."

"I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh."

"Which European leader today would not relish the wonder-working powers of a Moses? Budget deficit? Unpopular cuts? How about just a little miracle, an overnight increase in gold reserves, a new oil field, or the next world-changing communications technology? Surely that's not too much to ask."

"Many people are in the dark when it comes to money, and I'm going to turn on the lights."