"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'"

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."

"Money is power, and in that government which pays all the public officers of the states will all political power be substantially concentrated."

"Who, being loved, is poor?"

"I did my time for the rape. I paid my money to Las Vegas. I paid my dues."

"Sensitivity and money are like parallel lines. They don't meet."