"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."

"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"

"She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face."

"In religion as in politics it so happens that we have less charity for those who believe half our creed, than for those who deny the whole of it."

"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'"

"Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you."

"He who inspires courage in a single soul has led a monumental campaign. This remains the cornerstone of personal mastery — an essential principle for the reflective life."