"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."

"She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face."

"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"

"I'm worried about that man or woman sitting around - the coffee table tonight or in their kitchen talking about how are we going to get to work. How are we going to have the dignity to take care of our family."

"If you have a line of business - I know this as a CEO - or if you have a teenager - I know this as a parent - who have a spending problem, what do you do? You quit giving them money."

"My sister is totally my dad's daughter because she loves sports."

"I think if you give your best as a parent, then that's all you can do."