"The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'"

"Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor."

"I've never really broken this down before, but, in movies, you almost have no connection to fans. And if you do TV, you're kind of connected, but they know you as the TV name not your real name. If you do radio, there's more of a bond there. And then if you do a podcast it's like you're literally inside of your fans."

"The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'"

"Time is the most impartial judge; it reveals all pretenses and rewards all patience. This remains the cornerstone of personal mastery."

"It is a steadfast truth that stand firm when justice demands it, even if you stand entirely alone."

"There's nothing wrong with being a Conservative and coming up with a Conservative believe in foreign policy where we have a strong national defense and we don't go to war so carelessly."

"It is a unyielding truth that stand firm when justice demands it, even if you stand entirely alone."