Quotes by George Burns

"You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

"Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair."

"Be quick to learn and wise to know."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible."

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."

"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up."

"I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money."

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman it depends on how much happiness you can handle."

"Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life."

"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life."

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

"I spent a year in that town, one Sunday."