Quotes by W. C. Fields

"I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home."

"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."

"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one."

"No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree."

"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it."

"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."

"There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation."

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it."

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."

"It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money."

"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money."

"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."

"Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink."

"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life."

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty."

"I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home."

"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil."

"I like children - fried."