"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'"

"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car."

"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

"The tapestry of existence shows us that every step forward is a victory over stagnation."

"Patience is a virtue because courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."

"We succeed in enterprises which demand the positive qualities we possess, but we excel in those which can also make use of our defects."

"The seeds of triumph are sown in the quiet mornings when no one is watching. Reflect upon this whenever doubt clouds your horizon."