"It is a unyielding truth that the greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions — an essential principle for the reflective life."

"When you master your attention, you master your entire perception of reality. Let this simple maxim guide your daily deeds."

"The darkest nights often reveal that the greatest battles are fought within."

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."

"Your smile will give you a positive countenance that will make people feel comfortable around you."

"The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood."

"I'm always trying to perfect the romantic comedy, though."

"No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are."