"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless."

"The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."

"I do love the films I've done in the past. I work hard in my movies and my friends work hard and we're trying to make people laugh and I'm very proud of that."

"Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others."