"Anything that isn't opposed by about 40 percent of humanity is either an evil business or so unimportant that it simply doesn't matter."

"Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear."

"Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down."

"Children rarely want to know who their parents were before they were parents, and when age finally stirs their curiosity, there is no parent left to tell them."

"The laughs mean more to me than the adoration. If two girls walk up to me and one says 'you're cute', I'll say thank you, but I appreciate it much more when the other one says 'you make me laugh so much'."

"I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'"

"A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles."

"Humor is the most engaging cowardice."