"I think the fact that I was raised in show business, in New York City, in the '50s, that's affected my personality to the point that I'm a little different."

"I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds."

"I've made movies that we're very successful that we're a complete surprise, and I've made movies that I thought we're going to be very successful that, you know."

"They have a kind of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby thing going on."

"In my mind there is nothing so illiberal, and so ill-bred, as audible laughter.… I am neither of a melancholy, nor a cynical disposition, and am as willing and as apt to be pleased as anybody; but I am sure that since I have had the full use of my reason, nobody has ever heard me laugh."

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."

"I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep."

"If I go into a sandwich shop or anywhere that features 'Today's specials' on a chalkboard more than 10 feet away, I have to ask for a printed menu. I smile at people I don't know on the street and ignore those I do. When at home, I often find myself grabbing my 'back-up' glasses to search for the better-loved pair I have left on top of my dresser."