"God created man, but I could do better."

"What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?"

"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."

"When humor goes, there goes civilization."

"It is a profound truth that do not wait for favorable winds; take the oars and row toward your horizon — an essential principle for the reflective life."

"As a kid, I'd go into the bathroom when I was having a tantrum. I'd be in the bathroom crying, studying myself in the mirror. I was preparing for future roles."

"The paradox of freedom is that the roots of true happiness grow deep in the present moment."

"I think as time goes by you'll get female comics who are weirder - you'll get a female Mighty Boosh."