"The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay."

"There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours."

"I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened."

"In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks."

"From age 16, I lived and breathed wine. I read every magazine and book about wine."

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

"Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate."

"Never order food in excess of your body weight."