"A great thing can only be done by a great person; and they do it without effort."

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"Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof."

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"There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction."

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"Happy the man, and happy he alone,  He, who can call today his own;  He who, secure within, can say: “Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have liv'd today.”"

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"We live in a culture that relishes tearing others down. It's ultimately more fulfilling, though, to help people reach their goals. Instead of feeling jealous, remember: If God did it for them, He can do it for you."

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"Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube."

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"When I was a kid, you would tune in to 'The Tonight Show' before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big treat. I know it's a privilege of mine to be able to be in people's homes. So I hope I make everyone proud, including my parents, and do a good job in this."

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"There are only 3 colors, 10 digits, and 7 notes; its what we do with them that's important."

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"I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever."

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"I try to do something the audience might not have seen before. Like if I'm gonna kiss a girl I wanna kiss her like a girl has never been kissed. Like maybe I would kick her legs out from under her and catch her right before she hits the ground and then kiss her."

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"Ya know what I do almost every day? I wash. Personal hygiene is part of the package with me."

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"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

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"Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day."

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