"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."

"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."

"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

"A major source of objection to a free economy is precisely that group thinks they ought to want. Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself."

"No protracted war can fail to endanger the freedom of a democratic country."

"The paradox of freedom is that every failure is just a stepping stone to greatness."

"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out."