"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."

"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."

"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"

"To leave a mark on the world, remember that the roots of true happiness grow deep in the present moment."

"A humble soul understands that the roots of true happiness grow deep in the present moment."

"Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness."

"Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding, and a negative, judgmental attitude."