"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?"

"Knowledge is the gathering of scattered facts; wisdom is the synthesis of lived experience. Reflect upon this whenever doubt clouds your horizon — an essential principle for the reflective life."

"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. Let this simple maxim guide your daily deeds — an essential principle for the reflective life."

"Wisdom principle 39 tells us that the journey of life is lesson 67."

"No emancipation without that of society."